Sometimes things can get confusing and it's not the early onset of dementia or Alzheimers. I think it's hard for my generation of women. Remember, we invented Gloria Steinem! Are we feminists or are we little girls waiting for prince charming to come and whisk us away? Sometimes I'm not sure.
Growing up I took to heart many of the feminist ideals. I was not going to be "taken care of" by any guy. I would be fully self sufficient. In fact, I pretty much am self sufficient. Another lesson I learned from my feminist sisters was that a guy would not make you happy. The reason is that happiness comes from inside. Another human being can't "make" you happy.
So here's the thing, I find myself suddenly with a need for romance. I'm talking sweep you off your feet on a white horse romance. I'm talking larger than life public display of how much I adore you romance. I'm talking about I would do it all over again and then some because you are the one romance! Are you getting my drift?
Oddly enough and fortunately for me my marriage is one where affection is shown. We hug and kiss, so that's not what is missing.But there it is anyway, I want more! I want the grand gesture. I want the Hollywood moment! Even I know that I can't make that happen. Besides, I want it to happen on its own so it will knock my socks off! In the mean time I ponder the origin of this feeling. Is it age or rather the big fat round number of years I have been married? Do I need to reassure myself that I am still *the one* as opposed to being the *comfy well worn pair of jeans* we all are used to wearing? I guess the answer to that is pretty obvious. I need to know and I need it in a big way.
I don't really know what the trigger was and it's probably buried somewhere deep. Do i really want to stick my hand down there, into that mess, to see what I pull out? Will it change anything? I think the bigger dilemma is not the why but the what if. I hope I get my Hollywood moment one day but what happens if I don't?
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