I Want It Bad

Birds do it, bees might do it. My cat does it and so does my dog. Teenagers are great at it. My husband does it without me! So why can't I get any?

Alas the big S has eluded me. Tantalizing, rejuvenating, pleasure giving, life reaffirming sleep! I used to be good at it. I've acheived what I refer to as death sleep. Sleep so deep that the world could end and I wouldn't know it. Sleep so deep that crawling out of my subconscious to reach my conciousness is like crawling out of a collapsed Chilean mine.

The one thing I don't want is to sleep like a baby. Whoever coined that one was never an owner of a tiny human. In fact probably never in the vicinity of one at night. So no I do not want to wake up every few hours during the night although it would mean that at least I had fallen asleep at some point.

Sleep eludes me on a regular basis. Maybe Morpheus misses the hormones that used to travel my bloodstream. Sleep left when they did. My only problem is that they are never coming back, so am I meant to be Sleepless in Seattle for life? I've tried the Kama Sutra of sleeping positions. I've tried what is the viagra of sleep dysfunction which is a sleeping pill. It works but to take one every night is just so Valley of the Dolls. I'd be happy to stay out all night like a teenager because I'm awake anyway but everyone I want to party with is sleeping!

Sigh. I guess I'll have to wait till I reach old age, like old old age not chipper old age. Then I'll be falling asleep even when I'm not supposed to!