The Romance Quotient

Why do women need romance more than men? I am still not sure whether it's need or rather want but whatever it is it's more than men. Don't get me wrong. Men like romance and not just because it might lead to sex! What's not to like? Someone showing you that yeah, they really think you're all that is all good.

For me romance has nothing to do with candlelight or flowers. To each his own right? So what do I think is romantic? When you're both in the kitchen and he grabs you to slow dance with and it's not even" your song" playing. Buying you a silly nothing gift just because he thought of you. It could be a pair of socks! Well I really need to buy some socks so that's what came to mind. A note on Facebook in lieu of a loveletter. Love letters are a lost art. Holding hands when you're just watching TV. A kiss. I mean a slow last for days make you weak in the knees with his hands holding your face kind of a kiss.

Oh I could go on but you get it right? It's the unexpected and for no reason things that I find romantic. Anniversaries and birthdays are good for romance but if they are the only days then forget about it. Not romantic. It's why I don't get all excited about Valentines Day. Do people really like romance on cue?

Probably the most romantic thing is that moment when he looks at you and you know he's really seeing *you*. It's so nice to be seen. We always run the risk in a long term relationship of becoming really good roommates or friends with benefits as opposed to lovers. Don't let that happen even if it starts to feel as comfy as the ripped sweatpants we know you have. You deserve to have what I call Hollywood moments as much as any character in a movie. Life imitating art?

I don't know why women need/want romance more than men but I think they, or rather we, do. Now romance is a definite two way street. So go out there, and kiss him long and slow. You might be surprised at what you get in return.

Out of the Blue

I watched Modern Family last night, the Halloween episode. Let the "behind the times" jokes fly. I know it's almost December. So after I was done laughing my ass off, which I always do when watching that show, and oh how I wish that was not just a figure of speech don't you? Wait! Where was I going with that run away sentence? Ah yes, Phil, possibly my favorite character on the show finds out about his neighbors divorce. It's not a case of a cheating spouse. It is however the thing that Phil most fears. The dreaded "out of the blue, I didn't see it coming" reason for divorce.

It's pretty obvious that people don't get divorced out of the blue. It is possible that one of the spouses didn't see it coming. The thing is they only see it in retrospect. What Happened to them? They became *that couple* and one of them woke up and said I don't wanna be *that couple* any more. I want more.

Here's what I mean by *that couple* and it's in no particular order. Just the peculiar order my brain spits things out! No PDA. Not even in the privacy of their own home. Kisses? Not deep wet kisses that last for days but always little pecks. No one is constantly making out but people that still got it for each other don't just peck! So the sex well, it isn't really happening. I can't say how much is the right amount. I can only say that *that couple* is having less of it then they should and its not all that good although no one actually says it out loud.

I put the cart in front of the horse! It doesn't start with the physical. It usually starts with all the other stuff. It isn't that you are at each others throat. That would indicate some kind of passion. It's that you are like good roommates. You read your books in bed before going to sleep but then when the lights go out you both turn to face in different directions. Where you once talked about all your hopes and dreams you now make small talk. You look like a couple on the outside but there's a lot of empty inside.

All of this leads to something that is the worst part of I didn't see it coming. As a woman I view emotional cheating as the worst kind of cheating. I have friends with whom I can say anything. Hopefully we all do. It needs to be my partner however that I share it all with. Make that all with a capital A L L. The sharing of it all needs to go both ways. When the sharing stops it has to go somewhere. We are by nature creatures that need to share. It would just hurt so much if he wasn't sharing with me. If someone else was the one he went to for that. Even if it's another guy friend. It's still not me! Of course if it's a woman, then we have "the other woman" and there is really room for only one woman in my relationship. Now if you are a guy reading this just reverse everything I just said!

I have *that couple* fear sometimes. I think it's why I can describe it so well. I've been married a long time and it's at this point that a lot of couples can start to sleepwalk until they bump into the thing they didn't see coming. Thankfully my fear is as of yet unfounded. Just when I think maybe we are becoming *them* he does something that surprises me. So go and surprise your partner. If not, you risk being Phil's divorced neighbor on Modern Family or worse, his unhappily married neighbor!