Are We Old Enough Yet?

You've all seen this %$#*/#! on Facebook or Twitter. If not then for sure you've seen STFU or WTF or maybe effin something or other. My personal favorite is F**k! Okay people its time to *use your words* !

I agree that at times curse words are inappropriate, like around little kids. Surprisingly I had only one major FAIL in that department when my kids were growing up. We were all having breakfast at Denny's, my husband, the kiddies, a friend of his and yours truly. Said friend was regaling us with a story of how he royally screwed up with this girl he was seeing. Now in my defense I will say that I hadn't had any coffee yet! Anyway, I looked at him and said these words"If I was her I would have told you to go fuck yourself!" For a moment there was dead silence. My husband and his friend were just staring at me not saying a word. Why? What? ran through my mind. He really was being a jerk! Then the realization set in. I looked down to the right of me and to the left of me and saw two tiny faces staring up at me! I only wish I could have seen the look on my face! So cursing around kids is out even if at times it leaves us stuttering in search of an appropriate substitute.

If you want to keep what you are writing office or family friendly then choose different words. Even elementary school kids know what all those abbreviations mean and they are better at it than we are! One of my favorite lines from Modern Family is when Phil says that WTF is Why The Face! I LMAO at that one! So really, in this situation just say no to cursing and pretending you're not.

Another example where you should just say no is when you want to curse but are afraid you might offend someone. Someone offended by curse words will be just as offended by your use of f**k as if you actually wrote it out. A ourse word is still a curse word no matter how you spell it. The only one you are kidding is yourself. And no, it doesn't make you more refined. Your mother would still wash your mouth out with soap!

Only on twitter should abbreviations like WTF or STFU be used because one is confined to using only #140 characters. However there should be no fake spelling of a word using other symbols in place of letters allowed.

If you are grown up then you have earned the right to curse when you want to. Fuck yeah! Now isn't that better than f**k yeah? No shit, just go for it! Thats why we curse anyway, to let off steam. If you only do it symbolically you still have all that steam and whatever building up inside of you. In fact I think cursing could make you a happier person. Go out there and express yourselves once in a while. Be creative. Find a mother fucking cool curse word and use it! Warning: Overuse will take away the healing qualities of a good curse word. You will appear to be illiterate. Use them wisely!

Sexual Healing

Female viagra. Yes ladies and gentlemen, step right up and join the new sexual revolution. History shows us it always starts with a pill!

Sorry ladies, this pill does not guarantee an orgasm. What it apparently does is increase sexual desire. Apparently there is a group of women out there with very low sex drives. The drug companies gave it a name that they shortened to HSDD and then they set out to find a cure. What they managed to come up with is Flibanserin,. Ironically a decidedly unsexy name. I've never had a low sex drive but there are women that have this problem. Since becoming a member of the "I don't have to worry about getting pregnant anymore club" I have heard from other female members who have seen a decline in their desire to engage in sex. Its a lack of hormones thing that effects some women in that particular way. So do we need this pill?

I can't help but think this pill was developed by a man. The pill makes a woman desire sex more. Chalk that up to a win for the guys. It means more sex for them! If they really wanted to help women they would have developed a pill that guarantees an orgasm. So we're still left needing a guy with a good pair of hands and the responsibility of showing them how to use those hands.

For women, the biggest sexual organ is their brain. The turn on starts up top and works its way down. Having a pill that could quiet our overworked organ would be a plus. Leave all the good thoughts and tell the rest to STFU! For me personally I would like to gag the voice in my head that says"Um, hey you over there having fun, how does that love handle look when you're in that position?!" Forget gagging it, I want it waterboarded and then sliced up by Dexter. He only kills other killers and this voice is a mood killer. But alas, no such pill. Maybe we need more female scientists.

So for now I think this pill is really only for a specific group of women and hopefully it will have a positive effect for them. As to the rest of us I think we need to work with what we already have. Maybe a nice relaxing glass of wine. Openness about your sexual needs with your partner because he cannot read your mind no matter how hard you concentrate. Of course I can hear that voice in my head saying "Thats all fine, but you can't shut me up!" Well actually I can. I can do extra ab work but better than that I can remember that after almost thirty years my partner still wants some!

The Big Chill

I thought I'd use a cutesy title to talk about a subject no one wants to talk about. The D word. Death. One thing we all face when we reach our fifties is that we have more history than future! Not something we want to think about. Its definitely not something we should endlessly dwell on but it needs to be acknowledged.

For all of us life begins at the same point, birth, and ends at the same point, death. The rest is all journey. Mr Shuster take a bow. If you don't know who he is then you aren't watching Glee. TV isn't real life but those words ring true because we are on a journey. Each of us gets to decide what our journey will be like. We have travelled a long way to get to this point. Now is a good time to see what else we want to do on the rest of our journey. Ignoring the end point doesn't make the journey better. It might mean that you'll miss out on something. What I'm telling you is this,what you did on the journey so far is great. What you missed doing is not so great but you're still here with plenty of opportunity. Don't miss your stop because you thought the train was going to go around forever.

I once had a talk with my kids about death. Specifically mine. With the movie The Big Chill in mind I told them I wanted a GreenDay song played at my funeral because the words spoke to me about this journey called life. "Its something unpredictable, but in the end is right. I hope you had the time of your life." Life is unpredictable. That's the beauty of it. Now move it! Go have the time of your life!

What Am I, twelve?!!

Don't mind the noise. It's just me banging my head against the wall! Yes folks, I am the definition of insanity. Its when you do the same thing over and over thinking each time you'll get different results, but you never do.

"What did she do now?!" You don't have to say it out loud. I can hear the little voice inside your head. Hearing voices is okay as long as I don't hear them in *my* head. Since inquiring minds want to know, what I did was not keep my mouth shut. I'm pretty sure something like this has happened to all of us at one time in our lives. You know it won't end well but there you are with your mouth open and there are words coming out. The fact that I was right has very little to do with it. I acted wrong and I should have known better. Actually, I think I did know better somewhere deep down but the message never got to my brain fast enough!

So what do I make of all this? Well for one thing I guess you never lose your inner child. Mine came out to play this week and when I ordered her to go she told me to "act my age, not my shoe size!" If nothing else I entertained my husband and another good friend with my "what was I thinking" tale of woe. As far as they are concerned that's the only important thing. I feel like there should be some kind of lesson that comes with this story. I guess you could have someone with you at all times who will administer an electric shock whenever you're about to act stupidly. Or just laugh at yourself. It hurts less and face it, there just isn't enough time left to waste on perfecting this whole grown up thing!

What Do You Want To Be After You've Grown Up?

I'm a grown up. I have done all the growing "up" there is to do. Sideways, that's another story! I'm so grown up even my kids are officially grown ups. So what happens when someone like me wants to do something different with their lives?

We spend a lot of time while growing up thinking about what we want to be when we get there. Then we get there and most of us settle in to whatever it is that we got ourselves into! Life happens. Some people find their true calling early on and go for it. They do what they love and love what they do. Others look at work as a job, a means to an end. Hopefully they like what they do even if it doesn't exactly fulfill all their expectations. Like I said, life happens. Kids, mortgages,kids,responsibilities and kids!

What happens if you wake up one day and say to your very grown up self "I want to change what I do." " I need to change what I do!" "I can't do this anymore!" I've said all of those things. Now I'm saying them out loud. I want to be a writer. I could go into a long explanation of my life and why I never became a writer. Its just not important. There are no do overs in life but more importantly life isn't over yet!

This blog was in part a step toward becoming a writer. I love writing this blog. If nothing else it should be interesting to see how all of this pans out. Do I write a book? How about a screenplay? Freelance? All of the above? So take notice and take cover! I put it in print! I've gone on record. There will be a change in my life and not just *the change* !

Lets Hear It For The Boys!

When you start a new blog one issue you need to deal with is attracting readers. So I did the only natural thing, I put the word out on facebook so that friends I haven't seen in more than thirty years could read it! I don't think you could find a better test audience. If they hated it, so what? Another thirty odd years will go by till you see them again? Time and distance are great buffers for any negative feedback. I have been very fortunate because my old friends are either all very good liars or they genuinely enjoy the blog.

What surprised me was that guys were reading it too! The title makes it pretty clear who my target audience is. I may have to rethink that! Da boyz have been reading what I wrote. Most importantly they seem to identify with what I write about.

Conclusions? We are more alike than the differences in our anatomy would lead you to think. It may also have something to do with the good long standing relationships these guys have with the women in their lives. Whatever the reason, I raise my wine glass to all my friends who are reading this blog. Let this be a lesson to all of you. Treasure your old friends, the ones who knew you when you were too skinny and too awkward and they still liked you! Now if I could only get them to follow the blog.... Hint:Look on the right side of the page under About Me and the list of blog posts!