PDA on Social Media-Part One

It could also be titled Online Flirting. PDA or public displays of affection are part of the social media world. Affection is always a good thing right? Rhetorical question, no answer required.

Facebook opened up a can of worms as it seems it is *the* place for PDA blunders. The newsfeed contains not only what you put out as your status but also what you wrote on someone elses status, wall or photo. It's there for the world to see. Well your circle of "friends" anyway. The news is filled with human interest stories of facebook leading to divorce and breakups because someone was facebook stupid. Carrying on a facebook affair on someones wall is the definition of dumbass. Having an affair is equally so but at least the facebook stupidity contributed to my entertainment!

I'm less interested in those using facebook as a dating service and if you're single then it's all fair game. I'm always interested in my fellow travelers, yeah you guys who have been traveling as long as I have been. Seems some of us use Facebook to stroke or maybe stoke our egos. Egos are like that, they need to be cared for and fed. Facebook works like a feedbag.

You're in your room or office or a cafe. It's you and your computer screen. That combo seems to free people up from their inhibitions and lets them say things they might not face to face. Pair that with the fact that you are once again in touch with old classmates from the angst ridden teen years. Except now you have less angst and hopefully polished your people skills. Now it's time to play a little game I like to call Yeah I Still Got It. Doesn't matter if you never had it,everyone gets to play.

A funny line with a double entendre thrown out on occasion to someone you used to date or had a crush on is no biggie because the key word is occasion as in not all the time. We all need to feel like we did when we were kids once in a while. Just don't cross the line.

These are things you will find if you cross over to the other side of the line-
1.Suggestive pictures- doesn't matter how good you really do look after all these years and it's not just a girl thing. I've seen guys do it too.
2.Constantly commenting on *everything* someone's status says. I don't care how witty your comments are it just screams "Get a life!" and borders on stalking.
3 If s person is married you might not want to constantly bring up some fun time that was had so long ago. Not that you could threaten a good marriage but more out of respect for the spouse who might see it. Once (if you must) is more than enough.

There is also a flip side. If someone compliments you on how good you look it doesn't have to mean they want you! If they have fond memories of some good times, they are not necessarily looking for a repeat now! Most of it is just some good old fashioned fun. Get over yourself.

This is the side of social media PDA I like the least. I love me a little PDA from those that knew me as a skinny awkward kid. So bring it every once in a while...please. I do get sad for those who seem to need it so much. It means that what they're getting in real life is not what they need. At this point in life it's time to learn how to get what you need. You won't find it on anyones Facebook page. It's kinda like we're all coming of age... again!

TO BE CONTINUED

Seriously?

I could drink milk or OJ straight from the carton with the best of them if I drank either. I have taken off my clothes and left them in a heap by my bed like any man child, except I'm not a man. Dust does not scare me and neither do the dust bunnies hiding under my bed. They are actually very quiet. I miss the days when we had a platform bed and couldn't have bunnies.

Basically you get the picture. I was thankfully born when women were allowed to be more than the sum of their housework because otherwise I would have had to marry rich so I could pay someone to do it. Keeping this in mind you would then be pretty amused at my new mantra I keep repeating as I wander around the house doing whatever it is I'm doing.

Not a day goes by where you don't hear me mutter to myself "seriously?" It happens when I approach a sink full of dishes that has an empty dishwasher right next to it. It also happens when the dishwasher is full but not run. Sometimes the dishes are being run but the counter is clearly not wiped. There is of course my favorite "seriously" which is said above a stage whisper when the sponge is left in the sink all wet and not rinsed off. That goes for the small rag, well the small expensive microfiber cloth I use to clean the countertops. I love to find it in the sink not rinsed out and hung to dry. "SERIOUSLY?!" My all time fav however is that piece of paper that has fallen on the floor that no one picks up! I watch as they repeatedly walk by it. If I see it they have to see it. Then when I'm truly amazed that the paper is still there on the floor I mutter "seriously?" to no one in particular and then I pick it up.

So seriously folks, where did I go wrong? That's really the issue here. Granted, I'm not a neat freak. They sense that the way dogs sense fear. My brother in law and his kids would never do the aforementioned and I think I know why. My sister in law is a neat freak but that alone is not enough. I know many a neat freak who silently suffer as they clean other peoples messes. The missing element is fear. I did not properly instill fear in my clan. Now it's too late. Now it's just me yelling and them thinking "Yeah okay, get it out of your system and then you'll calm down and we can go back to normal!"

Oh the humanity! It's complicated as they say in Facebookese! Or rather I'm complicated. I hate cleaning. Yet ironically some things seem to bother me disproportionately. They say the first step is recognizing you have a problem. Oh wait... that's for bigger issues than this one! It may be too late for me but if you're just starting out remember to instill fear or be ready to pick up after people the rest of your life, Seriously!

The Case of the Snoop Dogg and the Tell Tale Heart

To look or not to look? I was recently at a round table discussion. Well it was lunch with friends from work and the table we sat at was indeed round! The panel consisted of only those of the female persuasion. Ages varied from over the hill, on the hill and just starting to climb the hill! Three Sadie Sadie married ladies, one divorcee, one single gal and one who can best be described as "it's complicated"!

So what is it that we should look at or not? Well it's not the eclipse although it can be just as damaging and wearing sunglasses will not help. It's all about partners who may or may not be on the prowl. Cheating. So what is a sane person to do? I've only known two divorces close up that involved a cheating spouse. In neither case where there the cliched lipstick on the collar or a hotel room key carelessly left in pants pockets and then thrown in the laundry.

In most cases it seems to start with a feeling. Something's not right but since you can't put your finger on it you shake it off at first. After a while you find it harder to ignore the signs of something gone awry. Pecks instead of real kisses. I love you is no longer part of the lexicon. Neither is sex which is truly a barometer of a healthy relationship. Dr Ruth would be so proud of me! Efforts in clothes or perfume go unnoticed. Basically whatever you do goes unnoticed. In the comment section of your life there are none. Not even a thumbs up "like" comes your way. They may still ask how was your day but when you start talking there are never any questions or comments that show a real interest. It's small talk. Very small talk.

Examples of a disconnect abound. In one case my friend had all the signs of a disconnect but she never got the chance to figure out what to do with it. She quite by accident ran into him where he should not have been. Ooops there it is! My other friend had only suspicion to go on so she decided to go look.

She looked at his emails, in his briefcase, and the phone bill because there were constant calls for him when it was clearly family/couple time like at 10pm on a Friday or Saturday night. I can't remember if she suffered through the cliched hang up when she answered the phone. She couldn't afford a PI so she followed him. In the end she found what she was looking for.

So the question was simple. Do you invade someones privacy to confirm a suspicion when your heart is a stake? I said no. No looking. "But he's making a fool out of you" was the dissenters reply, almost like a Greek chorus. Surprisingly the non marrieds were all for the looky loo in this situation. Us married and was married were split. I was clearly in the minority.

So why shouldn't someone look? You invade someones privacy when you do that and if that isn't stating the obvious I don't know what is! Even liars have a right to their privacy. The bottom line is that they'll still be liars and they will still have broken your heart. You'll just know about it a little later. When you're clinging on for dear life you can still hang on to that thing called integrity.

Instead, use your words. What's wrong with asking the other person? Give them a chance to come clean. Yeah it'll hurt but we are all adults and eventually the hurt will lessen and you'll get to move on to something better. Some of the panel rightfully stated that you might not get an honest answer. Some people are chicken and some people want the best of both worlds. Some people don't want to upset the kids no matter how old they are. They would rather torture you! Yet in the face of this strong argument I stood firm.

Don't look. Not at what's not meant for you to see. I believe the universe eventually works in your favor and you will get to see the truth whatever that truth may be. Not all the signs I talked about are specific symptoms of cheating only. They are definitely symptoms of relationship malaise. So what do you do if you don't find the truth or maybe you feel you've been waiting too long and you are tired of the pain? There seem to be two options. Try again. Be loving. Put yourself out there in ways you held back out of fear. Never regret loving someone. Door number two is simply opening your clenched fist and letting it go. Then walk through the door and close it behind you.

Turkey Day?

I was brushing my teeth, or washing my face or maybe I was putting on my makeup. It all happened so fast I can't remember the details but there it was. Well I think it was. I certainly heard the gobble gobble of the turkeys in my ear.

I may have a waddle. That little bit of loose skin at the junction where your neck meets the base of your head under the chin area. Yes,I cowrote Grey's Anatomy. Not the show people,the actual book on anatomy! The whole bit about "the junction" where neck meets head was a giveaway right? I'm a technical nerd that way. Okay, even I can't say that with a straight face, or write it for that matter!

Members of the jury, I know what I saw, even if it was for just a moment. I may not always see it although I try to recreate the moment. I wonder if there is a difference in mirrors. You know how some mirrors make you look heavier? Maybe some show waddle even if it's barely there. But I know what I saw! I also know better than to ask the one dearest to me because he ain't stupid. I'll ask the question and what he will hear is "Does this outfit make me look fat?!"

In the meantime I keep touching my neck. Maybe I should learn to tie a scarf in all sorts of decorative ways. Turtlenecks in summer? Could be a new trend. Could also be stupid! Some days this aging thing is just not fair. I think if you've made it this far there should be some kind of reward. A physical one. Life is backwards! That and waddles belong on turkeys unless you're married to Richard Fish!