If there was one thing I was always good at it was sleeping. Caffeine couldn't stop me. The sun was never enough to get me up from a good sleep if I wasn't ready. Naps were like a little extra dessert! Don't get me started on my dreams! Vivid, technicolor iMax dreams. But now it appears that Mr Sandman is spending his time in someone else's bed!
It now takes me forever to fall asleep. I cannot shut down. My mind is in constant motion and only about things that I cannot fix at 1am even if I wanted to! Now the pundits and analysts will say that there must be something troubling me. Well yeah, life seems to happen that way. There were things troubling me two years ago too but I slept. In fact sleep was like my escape. When life got too crazy I just took a nap. Now I have to face the crazy head on and I'm pretty sure "It's the hormones stupid!" They left and they aren't coming back!
I took sleeping for granted and now that I am hormonally challenged it has ditched me for some younger chick. Sleep must be a man!
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Owners Manual Part II
The Hard Drive: What I like
1. Favorite flavor of ice cream is coffee except if having gelato in Italy. Then any flavor will do! Real food- Italian or Chinese are my favs.
2. I don't ever want flowers as a gift. I love flowers in nature but as a gift it's just too easy. Takes no thought. Same goes for household appliances- I don't really need to explain do I?
3. I love getting presents for no apparent reason.
4.PDA is always good as long as it doesn't make people scream "Get a room!"
5. I love technology but I miss love letters. No one sends them anymore and that is a shame
6.I like every once in a while for you to tell your friends how lucky/happy/in love you are with me. Never overdo it because then it becomes meaningless.
7. I love chick flicks and action movies. I hate horror movies. They may be fun but the nightmares afterward.....I have too vivid an imagination
8. Jewelry- I prefer silver over gold. Delicate over large. Any kind of hoop earrings - I am a child of the 60's!
Okay, this is starting to sound a little self indulgent but it needed to be done! It probably won't change those moments when I look at him and think "Who have you been sleeping next to all these years?!" Luckily it doesn't happen very often but when it does .....
1. Favorite flavor of ice cream is coffee except if having gelato in Italy. Then any flavor will do! Real food- Italian or Chinese are my favs.
2. I don't ever want flowers as a gift. I love flowers in nature but as a gift it's just too easy. Takes no thought. Same goes for household appliances- I don't really need to explain do I?
3. I love getting presents for no apparent reason.
4.PDA is always good as long as it doesn't make people scream "Get a room!"
5. I love technology but I miss love letters. No one sends them anymore and that is a shame
6.I like every once in a while for you to tell your friends how lucky/happy/in love you are with me. Never overdo it because then it becomes meaningless.
7. I love chick flicks and action movies. I hate horror movies. They may be fun but the nightmares afterward.....I have too vivid an imagination
8. Jewelry- I prefer silver over gold. Delicate over large. Any kind of hoop earrings - I am a child of the 60's!
Okay, this is starting to sound a little self indulgent but it needed to be done! It probably won't change those moments when I look at him and think "Who have you been sleeping next to all these years?!" Luckily it doesn't happen very often but when it does .....
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Owners Manual
Sunrise, sunset, quickly flow the years. One season following another...so you'd think there wouldn't be any "how could you not know that by now" moments and yet, there they are! So here it is Part I of the multifaceted things that are me and how it all works!
The Motherboard:
1.Sometimes I just need you to listen. You can tell because I am ranting and not letting you get a word in edgewise
2.If I am sad- I always need a hug
3.If I cry at a movie-hold my hand and a tissue might be nice. No one, not even Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox or fill in the blank_____ looks good snotfaced.
4.When I cry see #3 re tissues
5.Never side with whoever pissed me off until I have calmed down.
6 I am allowed to lose it now and again. So are you. Hopefully we can take turns!
7. Talk to me. I wanna know when something bothers you. I can handle the truth!
8.Cuddling is always right.
9.Making me laugh is always always a good thing to do when I am sad or upset.
Warning: Don't blame anything on hormones. Only Me, the one who lives in this body gets to be the judge of that! The surgeon general has declared it may be hazardous to your health!
Thinking about how I work emotionally is making my head hurt. If you can't figure a situation out just do what our dog does and no I don't mean lick my face! I'm talking unconditional love!
Part II: The Hard Drive coming to this page soon!
The Motherboard:
1.Sometimes I just need you to listen. You can tell because I am ranting and not letting you get a word in edgewise
2.If I am sad- I always need a hug
3.If I cry at a movie-hold my hand and a tissue might be nice. No one, not even Angelina Jolie, Megan Fox or fill in the blank_____ looks good snotfaced.
4.When I cry see #3 re tissues
5.Never side with whoever pissed me off until I have calmed down.
6 I am allowed to lose it now and again. So are you. Hopefully we can take turns!
7. Talk to me. I wanna know when something bothers you. I can handle the truth!
8.Cuddling is always right.
9.Making me laugh is always always a good thing to do when I am sad or upset.
Warning: Don't blame anything on hormones. Only Me, the one who lives in this body gets to be the judge of that! The surgeon general has declared it may be hazardous to your health!
Thinking about how I work emotionally is making my head hurt. If you can't figure a situation out just do what our dog does and no I don't mean lick my face! I'm talking unconditional love!
Part II: The Hard Drive coming to this page soon!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Just Passing Through
All of us are just passing through. We pass through this world and we pass through other peoples lives. For some we are there only for a short time and with others we stay and become entwined like ivy growing on the side of a building. Each time we pass through someones life we change it. We add a memory and history to the lives we pass along the way.
This week a childhood friend passed away. I heard about it on facebook. I haven't seen him since Junior High School. We reconnected on facebook along with most of the kids I hung out with growing up. We were a neighborhood gang of kids before being in a neighborhood gang became a negative thing. We rode our bikes and played freeze tag in the park. Like true New Yorkers we played stickball and King/Queen against the convent wall of the girls Catholic school. There was of course the proverbial mailbox on the corner where we hung out. As we got older we spent more time by the mailbox than we did playing games.
I have lived a whole shitload of my life without seeing my friend. I got a career, a family and I moved away from the hood. Same for him. Yet when I'm back there and I walk those same streets I can here the echo of our voices. All I have to do is close my eyes and I am once again the skinny, slightly awkward girl with the long brown hair and glasses. Back then I only wished I was cooler and oh yeah, had bigger boobs! Now she makes me smile. I never got to see him before he passed away. I'm guessing that like most of us we are very much like who we were back then, only a hopefully better version. Life shapes us but the basic lump of clay that was forming into somebody way back then is still at our core, for better or for worse!
I'm grateful for facebook. It helped bring back some wonderful memories and it answered all the " I wonder whatever happened to" questions. Now whenever I feel like it I can reach out and touch a piece of my past. My friend who passed away was part of all that. Because he passed through my life I have memories and history that I can thank him for. I wish we could have had a chance to laugh about the dumbass stuff we did as kids but that's life. We're all only passing through but the memories and the history and the people we touch along the way are like a permanent signpost that says yes, we were here.
This week a childhood friend passed away. I heard about it on facebook. I haven't seen him since Junior High School. We reconnected on facebook along with most of the kids I hung out with growing up. We were a neighborhood gang of kids before being in a neighborhood gang became a negative thing. We rode our bikes and played freeze tag in the park. Like true New Yorkers we played stickball and King/Queen against the convent wall of the girls Catholic school. There was of course the proverbial mailbox on the corner where we hung out. As we got older we spent more time by the mailbox than we did playing games.
I have lived a whole shitload of my life without seeing my friend. I got a career, a family and I moved away from the hood. Same for him. Yet when I'm back there and I walk those same streets I can here the echo of our voices. All I have to do is close my eyes and I am once again the skinny, slightly awkward girl with the long brown hair and glasses. Back then I only wished I was cooler and oh yeah, had bigger boobs! Now she makes me smile. I never got to see him before he passed away. I'm guessing that like most of us we are very much like who we were back then, only a hopefully better version. Life shapes us but the basic lump of clay that was forming into somebody way back then is still at our core, for better or for worse!
I'm grateful for facebook. It helped bring back some wonderful memories and it answered all the " I wonder whatever happened to" questions. Now whenever I feel like it I can reach out and touch a piece of my past. My friend who passed away was part of all that. Because he passed through my life I have memories and history that I can thank him for. I wish we could have had a chance to laugh about the dumbass stuff we did as kids but that's life. We're all only passing through but the memories and the history and the people we touch along the way are like a permanent signpost that says yes, we were here.
Monday, September 13, 2010
I'm Cool!
When someone tells you that you're cool that's a compliment. Right? Well it is, and I am, cool. This time I was cool in a backhanded compliment kind of way.
A friend of mine turned to me and said " I can't believe how cool you are." So far so good. Said friend continues with " I can't believe you're in your what, fifties? " Me raising one eyebrow (well if I could!). Then comes the punch. I mean punchline. "I can't believe I have a friend who's like 50 but you're so cool."
Excuse me? I think the road to hell just got a little more pavement! My friend by the way is 38. I know that what my friend meant was, you are cool and nothing like my parents. Of course I'm nothing like my friends parents. For one thing, and this is the important one, I'm not old enough to be a 38 year olds parent. The other thing is that most people don't think their parents are cool. They love them but that doesn't mean they're cool. Parents are also traditionally not viewed as actual people. You could do a whole series of books on the secret lives of parents! It would send shockwaves to kiddom everywhere!
I like being cool. I like that people not of my generation think I'm cool. I hate that it's a total surprise that it's even possible.
A friend of mine turned to me and said " I can't believe how cool you are." So far so good. Said friend continues with " I can't believe you're in your what, fifties? " Me raising one eyebrow (well if I could!). Then comes the punch. I mean punchline. "I can't believe I have a friend who's like 50 but you're so cool."
Excuse me? I think the road to hell just got a little more pavement! My friend by the way is 38. I know that what my friend meant was, you are cool and nothing like my parents. Of course I'm nothing like my friends parents. For one thing, and this is the important one, I'm not old enough to be a 38 year olds parent. The other thing is that most people don't think their parents are cool. They love them but that doesn't mean they're cool. Parents are also traditionally not viewed as actual people. You could do a whole series of books on the secret lives of parents! It would send shockwaves to kiddom everywhere!
I like being cool. I like that people not of my generation think I'm cool. I hate that it's a total surprise that it's even possible.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
WTF Mother Nature!
So I woke up one fine morning recently only to discover my hormones had left the building. I looked everywhere, even under the bed. All that I found were my pet dust bunnies! No hormones. What really pisses me off is that they didn't even have the common courtesy to say good bye. We had been together for all those long years and not even a note or a text message. What kind of a break up is that?
As I was searching for my hormones under the bed I found something equally as startling. I woke up this one fine morning and I had belly fat! I swear I didn't have it the night before but there it was, a roll or a tire where my flat stomach had been. I didn't even have dessert the night before. How does that happen?
As with anything else in my life it only gets better! I bend down to pick something up from the floor but I can't reach it. My toes are out of reach. Mr flexibility evidently hitched a ride with the hormones when they snuck out overnight. Why is my body doing this to me?
Overnight I lost my hormones, I lost my flexibility and I gained a respectable roll of belly fat. Overnight! Pinkie swear! I woke up one fine morning to find my body had betrayed me. Are we sure it's Mother Nature? Would a woman really do this to another woman? I'm beginning to think nature is really a misogynist he man woman hater!
In any case , I'm not taking this from anyone. I'm not going to take this lying down. Well I actually would do that if it would do me any good. So I have a plan. To my hormones I can only say I hope the door didn't hit you on the way out. Your gone and I'm changing the locks on the door. It was fun while it lasted but you aren't coming back so I'm moving on. To my flexibility I say "take that!" and by that I mean Yoga. Did I mention that I now hate nubile young women who can do anything with their bodies? Okay girl, breathe. To my jelly belly fat cells I say start dancing. Nothing like a little dancing to burn those cells in what I hope is a funeral pyre. I really only have one last question. How is it that these things happen overnight but take so much longer to undo?
As I was searching for my hormones under the bed I found something equally as startling. I woke up this one fine morning and I had belly fat! I swear I didn't have it the night before but there it was, a roll or a tire where my flat stomach had been. I didn't even have dessert the night before. How does that happen?
As with anything else in my life it only gets better! I bend down to pick something up from the floor but I can't reach it. My toes are out of reach. Mr flexibility evidently hitched a ride with the hormones when they snuck out overnight. Why is my body doing this to me?
Overnight I lost my hormones, I lost my flexibility and I gained a respectable roll of belly fat. Overnight! Pinkie swear! I woke up one fine morning to find my body had betrayed me. Are we sure it's Mother Nature? Would a woman really do this to another woman? I'm beginning to think nature is really a misogynist he man woman hater!
In any case , I'm not taking this from anyone. I'm not going to take this lying down. Well I actually would do that if it would do me any good. So I have a plan. To my hormones I can only say I hope the door didn't hit you on the way out. Your gone and I'm changing the locks on the door. It was fun while it lasted but you aren't coming back so I'm moving on. To my flexibility I say "take that!" and by that I mean Yoga. Did I mention that I now hate nubile young women who can do anything with their bodies? Okay girl, breathe. To my jelly belly fat cells I say start dancing. Nothing like a little dancing to burn those cells in what I hope is a funeral pyre. I really only have one last question. How is it that these things happen overnight but take so much longer to undo?
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